You Promised Me a Tomorrow
Chapter 2
“Shut the fuck up, Butch.”
“Screw you, Bitch!”
Not again. It’s only 6:15 in the morning and my mother and brother are already in the kitchen screaming
at each other. As usual, Butch, my older brother, has just staggered into the house after one of his all
night drinking binges.
You’d think a guy at 23 should be out of the house and on his own. Not Butch. He’s got it too good
around here. If you can call it good. He has never held a job in his life. He sleeps during the day and
goes out and drinks and screws whores at night.
“I’m going to kick your fat ass out of here.” My mother screamed.
“Do it and I’ll burn this fucking place down.” Butch threatened.
I put the pillow over my head trying to drown out their voices. I hate it here. My life sucks. We live in
this run down duplex. My room consists of a bed and an arm chair I found in an alley last year. Most of
the furnishings have been sold to support my brother’s drug habit. He got hooked on crack three
years ago and sold anything in the house that wasn’t nailed down.
My mother’s not much better. She’s a waitress in a greasy spoon a few blocks away. She’s hardly ever
home. She comes in occasionally to get a few clothes. Then she’s back out, probably heading to the
home of the latest jerk she waited on that morning. One good thing, she never brings them here.
She’s probably embarrassed about this crappy place we call home.
“Go wake your brother up. He goes back to school today.” She yelled at Butch. I don’t know how she
knew that I started school today. She hasn’t remembered my birthday since I was about seven.
“You probably already woke that fag up with your goddamned screaming.” He yelled back.
That’s a word I’ve heard a million times over the past few years. I don’t think he remembers my real
name anymore. It’s always fag or cocksucker. He found me sucking off one of my friends when I was
twelve, and now I’ve been a curse to both of them ever since.
My mother hates me. She says I’m just like my old man- a no-good son of a bitch. Her words, not mine.
He left home when I was three and no one’s heard from him since. Can’t say I blame him. They never
married, so it was easy for him to just walk away.
Things have never been easy for me, though. We’re always moving from one place to another. She
usually falls behind in the rent, then gets us evicted. Then we live there rent free for three months
until the sheriff comes knocking on the door. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to come home
from school and find everything you own laying out on the sidewalk.
I hear Butch stomping angrily down the hall, and then throw my door open.
“Mom says to get your ass up, fag.” He reaches down and picks up one of my shoes off the floor and
tosses it at me. He’s never hit me with his fists though. Neither has my mom. Right after he caught me
sucking that kid’s dick, he came home drunk one night and tried to get me to suck his.
It was after 2:00 one night when he staggered into my room. I pretended to be asleep, but I could hear
him taking off his clothes beside my bed. He climbed into my bed naked and tried to stick his hard dick
in my mouth. I hit him in the balls as hard as I could. He jumped off and threw up all over the floor. I
told him if he ever tried that again I would go to school and tell a counselor and have him arrested.
Since then, he’s been afraid to touch me. He knew I would do it. Although, it’s never stopped the
verbal humiliation.
“Did you hear what I said?” He tossed the other shoe.
“Yeah, I heard you.” I replied angrily. “Now get out.”
“Make me, fag.” He said before closing the door.
God, I hate him. He’s a worthless human being. I’ve tried to find some redeeming quality about him,
but I swear I can’t. He’s fat, ignorant, bigoted and repulsive. I can’t imagine a girl sleeping with him.
That’s why he’s always with a whore. They’d have sex with anyone as long as they get paid.
As far as my sex life, zilch. Who’d want me. One look at where I come from and they’d head about as far
away from me as they could. Growing up has been rough. I’ve been branded white trash all my life. My
clothes are passed down to me from my brother when he outgrows them. By then they’re usually well
worn and smelling. I have to wash them several times just to get his foul body odor out.
The only time I’ve ever had anything new was at Christmas time when I was in the sixth grade. One of
the teachers felt sorry for me and brought me some new clothes wrapped up in pretty paper. I hugged
her and then took the clothes home. The first time my brother saw me wear them, he looked at me
suspiciously. The next day they were gone from my dresser. He probably sold them for some drugs.
Today’s one of the most horrible days of my life. The first day at another new school. It is always the
same. I’ll be the new outcast. Kids will look at me, size me up, and then realize I don’t fit in their world.
The only thing that keeps me from being the school punching bag is the fact that I was born with decent
looks. I don’t look like some nerd screaming out, “Hit me, I’m a wimp.”
I have a pretty good body. I spent most of the summer down at the beach working out on the free
exercise equipment they have available. I’m not a Charles Atlas, but I do look alright. The thing most
people notice about me first is my blue eyes. Then they notice the rags I’m wearing and quickly lose
interest.
Some people look like they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They get immediate respect.
Others look like they were born with plastic spoons. They get laughed at. That’s me.
Suddenly the door flew open again. “Timothy, get your ass out of here. Don’t you have to go to school
today?” My mother screamed. She was stumbling, so I knew she had already had her liquid breakfast.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m going.” I responded. If I had not been running late, I would have taken a swig from
one of her bottles. Since I was about fourteen, I found that I could forget my miserable existence if I
had a few drinks. I guess it runs in the Somerset genes. All of us find solace in a bottle. Alcohol
around here is not difficult to find, either. Between my mother and my brother, there’s usually a
forgotten bottle laying around somewhere. My mother likes gin. My brother prefers whiskey. Me?
Whatever I find laying around.
I’m not a heavy drinker, but I’m a lonely drinker. We make the worst kind. Most people get drunk with
friends and have a good time. Many times their drinking ends in forgotten sex with a nameless person
and a well deserved hangover.
Me. I drink alone. A couple drinks and I’m the epitome of the self-pitying loser. I also cry a lot when I’m
drinking. It’s really not a pretty sight. That’s why I drink alone. Most of my crying is focused on one
thing- I need someone to love me. I’m sixteen years old and no one’s ever told me they love me. Of
course, mix into the equation the fact that I’m gay, and the odds of that ever happening become
astronomical.
I hear my mother leave the house on her way to the filthy place she calls a job. I can hear my brother
snoring loudly in the next room, passed out as usual.
I head to the kitchen and try to find something to eat. Nothing. Not even a piece of bread. The fridge
is filled with cold beer, but nothing to eat. I consider downing a couple of cold ones, but since this is
the first day of school, I decide against it. That’s all I need is to start feeling sorry for myself and then
begin crying in one of my morning classes.
I did mention that I hate my life, didn’t I?
It’s about a forty minute walk to school. I don’t even consider asking my mother for bus fare. She’d just
laugh at me. So I walk. It’s not a bad day out so the walk is kind of comforting. I hate to think what it’ll
be like this winter. If I had a winter coat, my brother would just sell it.
I approach Dwight D. Eisenhower High School. It’s a large school. I’ll just be one of the forgotten
multitude. If I’m lucky. If not, I’ll be harassed by students who think they have a right to pick on anyone
who doesn’t fit in their little social world.
I was here last week. My mother sobered up long enough to bring me in and register me for classes.
I was given a brief tour while my mother fell asleep in the main office. I know I’ll never find my way
around. This place is large and meanders around in different directions. You can be following the
logical numerical rooms, 110, 111, 112, then suddenly the next room is 175. Whoever numbered these
rooms must have been drinking with my mother.
I head for the cafeteria, because I recall the counselor telling me that is where we would get our
schedules. I’m hungry, but since I haven’t received my free lunch card yet, I can’t get anything to eat.
I hope they have a lot of kids here on the free lunch program. If not, I’ll really be an outcast. People
will know my social status immediately. At least with large numbers, I’ll be less noticeable.
I stand in line in the Sophomores Q-T and a kind woman, probably a teacher, gives me my handwritten
schedule. Since I registered just last week, they had not been able to put it into their computer system
yet. I look it over and it doesn’t mean anything to me. Since I’m new, the names are just writing on the
paper.
I overhear two cute guys standing next to me talking. One is complaining about a teacher named
Watson. He calls her a bitch. I quickly look down at my schedule. Drats. I have her third period.
The other is moaning about a Toupee Tommy, whoever that is. I look down and examine my schedule
and then start laughing to myself. Of course, a teacher is really named that. He suddenly takes off
leaving his friend standing alone.
I realize I don’t have a clue in which direction to head. I look around and still see the guy standing with
his back to me. I decide I’ll ask him.
“Excuse me, can you help me?” I ask him. At first I think he’s ignoring me, but then I decide that he
probably didn’t hear me. I tap him on his shoulder. He turned and suddenly just stared at me. He didn’t
say anything, he just stared. We were standing face to face and looking into one another’s eyes.
“He’s got the prettiest green eyes.” I think to myself. This guy was definitely good looking. He had
blonde spiked hair and was dressed in a green shirt that made his eyes appear even greener. He
didn’t seem to be arrogant, like you would expect someone who looked like him to be. Instead, he
seemed nervous.
We finally broke the stare when he asked me what I wanted. I asked him where Room 212 was, and
again he stared at me. Now it was my turn to get nervous. I knew he was sizing me up. Poor white
trash. Yep. Didn’t have a chance of making a new friend here.
He surprised me when he grabbed my schedule and looked it over. He handed it back to me smiling.
“Yeah, Timothy. Actually we have first period together. You can walk with me.” I couldn’t believe it.
He wanted me to join him.
However, he called me Timothy. I hate that name. I’d adopted the name TJ after my mother told me my
father’s name was Timothy. I sure didn’t want to carry around his name all my life. Since my name was
Timothy James, I began to insist that everyone call me TJ. Everyone did, except my stubborn mother.
She hated my father, but still calls me by his name.
“TJ” I informed him.
“What?” He looked at me questioningly.
“My name’s TJ. Only my mother calls me Timothy.” I felt embarrassed correcting him, because Timothy
coming from his mouth sounded sweet. I think I was going to like him, if he didn’t cast me aside first-
like everyone else.
We started to walk away when suddenly a very pretty girl walked up and stood beside us. She took one
look at me and grabbed his arm and wrapped it around hers. “Girlfriend,“ I thought disappointedly.
“Hey Randy.” She said ever so sweetly. Now this guy finally had a name. He still had never introduced
himself to me. We had just started talking and I forgot to ask him. She maneuvered her body around
him so that she stood between us, like a protective mother hen.
“Hiya, Deanna.” He said somewhat uninterested. Then he looked at me and rolled his eyes. Maybe she
wasn’t a girlfriend after all.
“Who’s this?” She asked, wrinkling her nose. I was beginning not to like this girl. She seemed to have
already grown a dislike for me, and we had not even been introduced.
“This is TJ.” Randy informed her. “He’s new here. We have first period together. I’m going to take him
to class.” She looked at me again and gave me a fake smile.
“Hello, TJ. I’m Deanna, Randy’s good friend.” She said good friend, not girlfriend. That was
encouraging. But I’m sure with this guy’s good looks, there was a girlfriend somewhere.
“Where are you from?” She asked politely, but seemed uninterested.
I felt very uncomfortable with the way she was looking me over. Poor white trash. I could see it in her
eyes. That’s what she was thinking. She was very pretty and appeared to be one of the popular ones.
It wouldn’t surprise me if she was a cheerleader.
“We moved into town this summer. I haven’t really had a chance to get to see the city yet.” I was trying
to be vague. I didn’t want her to know anything about my background.
“We just moved here because we got evicted from our last house. This make the sixth place we’ve
lived in the past three years.” I wonder how she would have reacted if I told her the truth. I would
have, but I was beginning to like Randy and didn’t want to lose him as a friend, if I could even call him
that.
“I see.” She sounded condescending. Her eyes looked over my body, then she met my eyes. She
looked up at Randy, then back at me. It was as if she was telling me to back off. This unnerved me
because I hadn’t even considered Randy as anything more than just a friendly person who had
volunteered to help me out.
I instantly found the whole situation pathetic. If anyone knew anything about pity, it was me. I
recognized her hopeless situation immediately. She loved Randy, but he didn’t feel the same way. She
realized this, but refused to accept it. I suddenly felt sorry for her. I wondered how long she would
play out this charade, pretending that Randy was her boyfriend.
I also felt sorry for Randy. He seemed to be a great guy, and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I sensed
that they had been playing this game for a while now. Randy spoke, tearing me away from my thoughts.
“Come on, TJ. Let’s get to class.” He grabbed me by my elbow and started leading me away.
“Wait, Randy. Let me see your schedule.” Deanna snatched it from his hand. “Do we have any classes
together?”
Her smile faded when she noticed that none of their classes were the same. Then she reached out and
grabbed mine. At first I considered taking it back, but I didn’t want to make a scene the first day. I
figured that she was probably just a snotty girl used to having her way. She quickly scanned our
schedules then handed them back.
“You guys have three classes together?” She seemed disappointed. I thought, “Yeah, eat your heart
out.” She gave me another of her signature dirty looks. This time I stared back challengingly. I wasn’t
about to let her intimidate me. She broke the stare, sighed dejectedly and then walked away. I heard
Randy let out a short breath of air, as if he had been holding it in for sometime.
“Girlfriend?” I asked. I already knew the answer, but I thought I’d let him try and explain the situation.
“No.” He replied quickly. “Sister of my best friend, Actually, she’s his twin.”
“She seems to really like you.” I was trying to explore.
“That’s her problem, not mine.” He sounded angry. “I’d tell her to get lost, but I don’t want to hurt her
brother.” I found this to be interesting. Here was a gorgeous guy rejecting probably one of the
prettiest girls in the school. She did have a bad attitude, but she was also very attractive. I can
imagine a lot of guys in this school were chasing after her. Why would she waste her time on someone
who obviously didn’t share her feelings.
“We gotta jet.” He put his hand on my back and gently began leading me towards the door. I thought
he would drop his hand, but we continued walking with his hand still guiding me. At one point he gently
rubbed my back as we walked. I began to get nervous because I was not used to anyone touching me.
I took a step ahead of him, causing him to drop his hand.
“Which way?” I asked as we headed out of the cafeteria.
“Turn left.” He again put his hand on my back guiding me down the hall. To a stranger, it might look like
he was holding me like a boy would hold his girlfriend. Again, I stepped away. I didn’t want to be
branded a fag the first day of school. I had no idea who Randy was. He seemed perfectly straight, but I
knew that could be deceiving. For all I knew, he could be the school’s resident fag. That’s all I need, to
be seen walking down the hall in his arms. Although, I did find it rather comforting. It felt nice.
We continued walking through the crowded halls. Randy seemed to be a really popular guy. He
couldn’t take a step without someone stopping to talk to him, asking how his summer was. He never
failed to introduce me to whomever he talked to. It made me feel welcomed. I’d never been treated
this warmly before. I was beginning to think that maybe I would like it here.
He finally stopped and led me into a crowded room filled with noisy students. The teacher hadn’t
arrived yet, so there was a lot of rowdy activity going on. Randy found two seats in the back of the
room and put his hand on my back again and led me over to them.
“We’ll sit here. We can work together. This is American Literature. Mrs. Jones teaches this class. She
likes to pair students up to do their assignments, so we’ll be partners.” He looked over at me and
smiled. For a brief moment, I thought my heart was going to burst. I didn‘t know how to react. I was so
used to it be broken. I was glad I hadn’t had that drink this morning, because right about now I’d
probably be crying my eyes out.