Love on Trial
Chapter 1
“It is your duty, members of the jury, to decide if the White Star Line was negligent in the death of Hans
Jensen.” Jason stood before the jury box staring intently into the eyes of the students seated there.
He looked professional in his light brown, three-piece suit. His hair was meticulous, light brown to
match his suit. It had a tinge of blond from sitting around the pool all summer. He parted it in the
middle, keeping it pushed back behind his ears. Occasionally, a strand would slip out and fall across
his face. I’d watch as he’d unconsciously toss his head back and gently set it back into place.
He paced confidently in front of the jury, arguing his case.
“I submit to you that the White Star Lines is not negligent for his death.” He said. “It was Mr. Jensen’s
own negligence.”
I watched his eyes flash as he spoke, determined to win points with the judges. He had completely
fallen into the role. He was no longer a student participating in a mock trial. He had become a lawyer,
arguing a case as if he had transported himself back to the night of April 15, 1912.
His performance was believable. He had the jury convinced that Mr. Jensen had indeed caused his
own death aboard the Titanic. I could look in their eyes and knew he was gaining more points than his
opponent. I looked over at the judges and could see them smiling appreciatively.
“Mr. Jackson, the plaintiff’s attorney,” Jason looked out into the area where I was sitting as a spectator
and smiled. “He will have you believe that the White Star Line is at fault. But if you look at the facts, you
can only come to one conclusion. Mr. Jensen died by his own hand.”
I stared into his handsome face. I had for the moment forgotten that we were in a courtroom filled with
spectators. I was in love with Jason. I had no idea that when we began this school project, my feelings
for my best friend would spiral out of control. As if reading my mind, he smiled again and turned back to
the jury box to finish his closing statement.
Little did I know at the time, but that would be the last smile I would see on Jason’s face for me. Within
the next twenty-four hours, my life would be turned upside down.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Alright class.” Mrs. Mason shouted above the loud chatter of students. “I have a special
announcement.”
Mrs. Mason was my favorite teacher. She taught a Practical Law class. I was considering a career in
law, so this class would let me know if I were truly interested. She also taught American History. This
was my third year taking one of her class.
I was now a junior. I was in her history classes for the past two years. She had a way of making it
interesting. She didn’t just lecture and have us take notes. She loved to make her classes student
interactive. It usually meant more work for us, but it was worth it.
Everyone quieted down as she stood patiently before us. Knowing Mrs. Mason, she was probably going
to tell us about a research project or some writing assignment.
“The local university approached me last week.” She said. “They want me to form a mock trial team for
competition.” The room became abuzz with excitement.
“This is a great opportunity for some of you to get experience in actively participating in a trial
situation.” She explained. “Two months from now you will compete against rival schools in a mock trial
before real judges. You will also have actual trial lawyers to help you prepare. Anyone interested?”
Almost everyone raised their hands.
“Before you decide to commit, I must warn you.” A few students began to groan. We knew that there
was always a catch to anything Mrs. Mason did.
“It will take long hours of preparation.” She explained. “You will have to practice after school and on
Saturdays.”
“Saturdays?” Alvin Lawrence asked. “Isn’t that against the law or something.” Everyone broke out in
laughter.
“Not if you volunteer.” She said with a smile. “Give it some thought and I’ll find out more information.
I do know it won’t be easy.”
Just then the bell rang, ending the school day. Jason grabbed my arm as we walked out of class.
“Tay.” He seemed excited. “We got to do this man. It sounds like fun.”
“I don’t know Jason.” I said with a frown. “It sounds like it could be a lot of work.”
“What else we got to do?” He said with a smile. “Winter’s coming up, so we won’t be outside. It will give
us something to do. Please?”
He looked at me and made a puppy-dog look. I was breaking. Jason knew he could get me to do almost
anything with that look. When I didn’t answer, he started making a whimpering sound. I broke out in
laughter. He looked at me and smiled. He knew he had won.
Jay and Tay. That was us. We had been friends since I could remember. My mother said we met in a
day care program when we were three. I don’t remember. All I knew is he had always been in my life.
We had been in almost every class since we entered the first grade. My mother and his always went
together to register us for classes, and they insisted we be placed together. I guess they knew what
they were doing. We competed against each other for grades. We were both straight ‘A’ students
because we couldn’t stand the ribbing we got from the other if we made a lesser grade.
One time in the seventh grade I made a ‘C’ in a literature class because I failed a test. I had suffered
from a bad case of the flu and didn’t feel like studying. After five years, he still reminded me that he was
the smarter of the two of us.
“What about it Tay?” He asked hopefully. “Let’s do this. It sounds like fun.”
“Let me hear how much work is involved.” I said. “Then I’ll decide.”
“What are you talking about?” Stephanie Shays, Jason’s girlfriend, walked up and took his arm and
wrapped hers around it. She was a very pretty girl with red hair and green eyes. She also had freckles,
a result of her Irish background.
Jason and Stephanie had been dating since the eighth grade. He confided in me last year that they
‘did it.’ He never said anything more, but I could tell by the way they acted around each other that they
were seriously involved. Her father was a police lieutenant. If he knew that Jason was having sex with
his daughter, he’d probably shoot his balls off.
I was also extremely jealous of Stephanie. I began to realize in the seventh grade that my feelings for
Jason was changing from friendship to something more. It wasn’t until later that year, when guys
started calling other guys fags and queers, that I was able to categorize my feelings. However, I never
said anything to him. When he met Stephanie the following year, I knew then that I’d never have a
chance.
So I did what every good gay boy does in high school- I found a girl friend and started dating as well.
Cynthia and I knew each other since the third grade, but we didn’t start ‘going steady’ until the eighth
grade, just months after Jason started dating Stephanie.
Cynthia was the perfect girlfriend. She was a preacher’s daughter. He had instilled in her the wrath of
God if she lost her virginity before she married. As a result, I never had to worry about her wanting to
have sex with me. We’d hold hands, and occasionally give each other a kiss on the cheek, but never
anything more. She was the perfect cover and she never questioned why I wasn’t more forceful like
other boys.
“Why are you so excited?” Stephanie asked Jason.
“Mrs. Mason’s forming a mock trial team.” He exclaimed excitedly. “Tay and I are going out for it.”
He looked over at me and smiled. I was beginning to think that it would be fun to spend the next few
months preparing with him until Stephanie spoke.
“That sounds like fun.” She said. “Can I be in it too?”
“I don’t know why not.” He said, giving her a kiss. “Most of the work will be after school and on
Saturdays.” All of a sudden, it didn’t sound like fun anymore.
Jason and Stephanie headed down the hallway towards her locker. I lowered my head and walked off to
mine. I had to retrieve a few books that I would need for homework. I knew Jason would be over later
to study with me. We’d been studying together for years. That was one of the things he always
reserved for me.
“Hi.” Cynthia walked up beside me and smiled. She took one look at my face and knew that something
was bothering me. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” I responded. “Just a lot on my mind is all.”
“Want to talk about it.” She asked with concern. I looked over at her and became overwhelmed with
guilt. Cynthia was such a warm and caring person. I knew she was in love with me, and I was just using
her so that other students wouldn’t think I was gay.
Anyone in high school who isn’t dating, is considered gay or a lesbian. If you weren’t swapping spit in
the hallways with someone of the opposite sex, rumors were soon to follow. I was even guilty of it
myself. I often wondered if a guy was gay when I noticed that he wasn’t dating someone.
Coming out at school was also not an option. I’d lose all my friends, including Jason. I’d heard of few of
the queer jokes he’d make at the lunch table. I would laugh because most of his jokes were done for
my entertainment. I was his biggest admirer, and he knew it.
There were several times over the past few years that I wanted to confide in him. I really needed
someone to talk to about the feelings I had developed. Sometimes they overwhelmed me. But how do
you tell your best friend you’re gay, and you like him. He was already disappointed that I hadn’t done it
yet with Cynthia. How would he feel that I was more interested in doing it with him than my girlfriend.
“You seem really down today.” She took my arm and walked beside me to my locker. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” I said as I removed her hand from my arm and quickly walked away. I felt like a piece of shit
and I didn’t want her to see me break down. Lately, it was something I was doing a lot in the solitude of
my bedroom.
I went home and curled up on my bed and tossed the cover over me. I was tired of struggling with the
conflicts in my life. I was tired of making a charade of having a girlfriend. Every time Cynthia put her
hands on me I was filled with tremendous guilt. Lately, she was trying to get me to kiss her on the
mouth. She said she couldn’t understand why I still kissed her on the cheek.
I was tired of pretending that Jason was just a friend, when I knew I cared more for him than that. Every
time he looked at me with that dimpled smile and shining brown eyes, I wanted to take him in my arms
and kiss him.
I was tired of telling my parents everything was alright when they would ask me why I was being so
moody. We used to have a great relationship. Now we fought all the time about trivial matters. My
father has taken me hiking several times. I know he wanted me to open up to him about what was
bothering me; but how do you tell your father you’re gay?
He’s one of the greatest guys I know. I’ve admired him all my life. He’s not one of those dads who work
long hours and is never there for his kid. He’s more like a friend than a father. I know he’d love me no
matter what, but I just don’t think I could deal with the disappointment he’d feel if I told him.
So I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering what to do. It would be so easy to just go on as I have,
but I really don’t want to live like this anymore. I can hear thunder approaching, and I know the storm is
on the way. I’m just not sure I have the strength to face it.
I was startled out of my desperate thoughts by a loud banging on my bedroom door.
“Unlock your door, Jackass.” Jason continued pounding the door. I let out a sigh as I got off the bed
and unlocked the door. He came walking in eating cookies my mother had made. He was also trying to
balance two glasses of milk in his hands.
“Here.” He handed me a glass and two cookies. I took them and placed them on my desk and then
returned to lie on my bed.
“It’s dark in here.” He walked over and opened the drapes. “What you been doing, jacking off?” He
eyed me suspiciously as he continued to eat his cookie.
“You alright, Taylor?” He asked worriedly. “You haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
“Maybe I’m not.” I responded sadly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked.
“Forget it.” I said. “Everything’s cool.” He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.
“Sooooooo.” He grinned. “About that mock trial thing. You gonna do it?”
“I don’t know.” I said. “I want to hear more before I decide.”
“You’ll do it.” He said smugly. “I’ll talk you into it.”
He got off the bed and turned my television on Sports Center. He returned and lay back down beside
me. He watched television while I watched him. I let my eyes roam over his body, taking in the
handsome figure beside me.
He wasn’t what you would call a model or anything like that. He was just Jason. He had grown some
lately. He was about 5’11” and probably weighed about 160. I watched as his chest rose and fell as he
breathed. I studied his face. He had a little stubble on his face, the beginnings of a beard. The hair
above his lip was still fine, though. I noticed his lips, full and red. I had to force myself not to lean over
and kiss him.
Why couldn’t I think about Cynthia this way? Why couldn’t I look at her and want to kiss her? Why did it
have to be my best friend I wanted?
Life just didn’t seem fair.
I rolled over on my side as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want Jason to see me cry. I
squeezed my eyes tightly to hold back the tears. I lay there several minutes trying to compose myself.
Suddenly, he started elbowing me in the back. “What did you do, fall asleep?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m kinda tired.” I said. “How about I just see you tomorrow at school?”
“Damn, Tay.” He sounded upset. “If you don’t want me here, just say so.” I felt him get off the bed.
“See you tomorrow.” He opened the door and slammed it shut.
I buried my head in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.
“Remember I told you about the mock trial yesterday?” The class became quiet as Mrs. Mason spoke.
“Here is a brief description of the case.” She walked around and handed out a handout for us to look
over.
“It deals with the Titanic.” She explained. “I’m sure most of you have seen the movie that was out a few
years ago.”
We took the rest of the period reading over the information of the case. I had to admit it sounded
interesting. A woman was suing the owners of the Titanic for the death of her finance, Hans Jensen.
She was suing for negligence. It seemed like an open and shut case.
But then as I read further, it appeared that Mr. Jensen had given up his seat on a lifeboat that later was
rescued. Had he remained aboard it, he might have survived. Therefore, were the owners really
negligent, or had Jensen contributed to his own death?
Jason kept looking over at me and grinning as he read. I could tell he was really excited about working
on the project. He also knew me well enough to know that I was also finding it interesting.
With five minutes to go in the class, Mrs. Mason asked us who was interested in participating. Jason
immediately threw up his hand. He looked over at me and gave me his best puppy dog look. I turned
my head away. I started giggling when I heard him start whining. He reached over and held my hand up.
“Taylor, do you want to do this?” Mrs. Mason laughed. “Or is your cohort in crime forcing you into it.”
“No, Ma’am.” I replied. “I’ll do it.”
“Yes!” I heard Jason shout. I looked over and he was grinning widely. He knew he had won.
“Good.” She exclaimed. “Anyone wanting a role, please stay after class.”
“Mrs. Mason.” Jason raised his hand. “Do you have to be in this class to participate? Stephanie wants
to do it too.”
“I don’t see why not.” She said thoughtfully. “Most of the work will be done outside of class.”
I felt my heart sink. The only reason I had volunteered to do this was because I thought Jason wanted
me to work with him. Now it seems, he wanted Stephanie instead.
When the bell rang, Jason disappeared quickly from the room. I remained in my seat, along with about a
dozen other students. We were discussing the case when Jason came walking back into the room,
holding Stephanie’s hand. Behind them was Cynthia. She walked over and took a seat beside me.
“Hi, Taylor.” She was smiling at me. Again, my heart began to sink as I looked at her. She was pretty.
She had soft brown hair and big blue eyes. Her hair flowed down the side of her face, resting on her
shoulders. She had an unblemished complexion. She was one of those girls who needed little makeup
because her features were already natural.
Any other boy would have been happy to have a girl like Cynthia by their side. She had been devoted to
me for years. Other guys would go behind my back to ask her out, but she always told them she
wouldn’t. Last year I even suggested that she date a few other boys. She started crying because she
thought I was trying to break up with her.
“Jason told me and Stephanie about the mock trial.” She said. “You don’t mind if I listen to what Mrs.
Mason says, do you?” She scooted her desk over and sat closer to me.
“No.” I lied. “I’d love for you to be in it.” At that particular moment, I wasn’t sure I still wanted to
participate. I had only agreed to volunteer because I thought Jason and I could spend time together
alone. For the past year it seemed like either Stephanie or Cynthia was always around.
We used to spend a lot of time together. We had practically lived with one another since we were kids.
Either I was at his house, or he was at mine. On weekends we usually spent the night with each other.
Both of us had two twin beds in our rooms, so we never slept together.
One night when we were thirteen, I spent the night at Jason’s house. About an hour after falling asleep,
I awoke and saw Jason with the covers pulled down. He was jacking off. I watched him quickly stroking
himself. He had his eyes closed, so he didn’t know I was watching. Suddenly, I sat up in bed as he
looked over and quickly covered himself.
“What are you doing?” I giggled. “Were you playing with yourself?”
“No!” He insisted, but he knew he had been busted. “Alright, like you don’t do it.”
“Not when you’re around.” I laughed.
“Well, I do when you are.” He pulled back the covers to show me his still erect cock. It was about five
inches long, but in the darkness I could tell it was very thick. He reached down and continued to stroke
himself while he looked over at me and grinned.
“I feel stupid doing this by myself.” He laughed. “Take yours out too.”
Reluctantly, I kicked back the covers and lifted up, pulling my pajamas down to my knees. My cock
sprang up to its six inch length. I’m glad the room was fairly dark or Jason would have seen me
blushing with embarrassment. Even though we had been best friends for a few years, this was the first
time we had ever seen each other’s hard dick.
“Come over here and sit on my bed.” He whispered. “We’ll jack off and see who can cum first.”
I hesitated for a minute before getting up and sitting down naked beside him. There was enough light
for both of us to get a good look at the other. I watched as he continued to slowly stroke himself.
“This is so cool.” He said excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now.”
It had never occurred to me about jacking off with Jason or any other boy at that time. I had only been
doing it for about six months and I thought it was something you should do by yourself. I usually jacked
off at night when I took my shower, for fear of my mother or father walking in on me and catching me if I
did it in bed.
“Ok.” He said excitedly. “Start doing it. The first one to cum wins. The loser has to pay the winner a
dollar.”
It really wasn’t fair. I knew he’d win because he already had a head start on me. I didn’t know how long
he had been jacking off before I woke up and saw him. I was too excited to argue, though. It was
exciting to watch Jason beating his cock rapidly.
Before I even got a good rhythm going, Jason moaned and sprayed a few shots on his stomach. It
wasn’t much and was watery, but he had beaten me, nonetheless. He grinned as he watched me
continue to quickly jack off. I thought about stopping because he had already won, but I could tell he
wanted to watch me cum too.
After about two minutes, I closed my eyes and threw back my head as I came. At the time I couldn’t
shoot far, so most of it collected in my hand and ran down the sides.
“Cool.” Jason was grinning in my face when I opened my eyes. “You owe me a dollar.”
We continued to have jack off contests for the next two years. They ceased when he met Stephanie and
started dating her. He said it didn’t feel right to do it anymore. We never paid each other any money,
but when we stopped, he owed me $37.
Until that night, I had never thought about my sexuality. When I masturbated it was just to enjoy the
feelings I’d receive when I did it. But suddenly, I’d see Jason lying naked in bed stroking his cock and
shooting his cum onto his stomach. My orgasms became more intense.
Then last year, my fantasies began to change. I would imagine myself sucking on Jason’s cock and
feeling him cum in my mouth. Several times I even soaped my finger and shoved it in my ass,
pretending Jason was fucking me. I would always end up breathless in the shower, gasping for air.
Jason had outgrown our game, but I had not. As he began to pull away from me, I was wanting him more
and more. It hurt me to know that I would never have what I needed the most- his love.