Love on Trial
Chapter 2
“What I want you to do now is read over the case and decide what role you’d like to take.” Mrs.
Mason instructed. Jason, Stephanie, Cynthia and I pulled our desks together to study. Cynthia was
sitting closely beside me, as was Stephanie next to Jason.
“I want to be the defense attorney.” Jason said excitedly. “They have the biggest part.” He looked
over at me and smiled.
“You can be the plaintiff’s attorney.” He said. “That way we can argue against each other.” Here we
go again. It had always been this way; Tay against Jay. Our entire life had been a contest. He had to
be better than me at everything.
“I don’t know.” I replied. “I think I’ll just be a witness. Less work is involved.”
“No, Man.” He was becoming upset with me. “Come on, Tay. We gotta do this together.” He
started his puppy dog whining again. Stephanie and Cynthia laughed, but I just rolled my eyes.
We spent the next hour reading over the case. I had to admit, it did look interesting. I wasn’t good
at sports or other school activities, so this was my change to do something that I could be
successful at.
“Alright, students.” Mrs. Mason had been walking around the room listening to us discuss the case.
“Tomorrow I’ll have try-outs for the parts. Be prepared, because an attorney friend of mine will be
here. His name is Bernard Anderson. He’s a very successful criminal attorney in town.”
“Better write his name down, Tay.” Jason smirked. “You’ll probably need it someday.” Everyone
laughed as I turned red.
“Remember, come tomorrow prepared.” Everyone started getting up to leave.
“I’m hungry.” Jason said. “Let’s go get something to eat.”
“I have to go home.” I insisted. I really didn’t. I just wasn’t in the mood to go out with the three of
them.
“Why?” He asked.
“My mom has some chores for me to do.” I lied. It was the quickest reply I could think of. Jason
pulled out his cell phone and called my mother. He asked her if I could join them. He looked over at
me and frowned.
“She said you could go with us.” He gave me a questioning look. I could tell that my mother had
probably told him I didn’t have anything to do.
We took Jason’s car to the mall. I had my driver’s license, but I didn’t have my own car yet. My
mother or father would let me borrow theirs if I had a good reason to go somewhere. I always tried
to wait until I could use my father’s car. He had a new Escalade. My mother had an old Toyota Camry
that had a few rust spots on it.
Jason’s parents had bought him a car for Christmas last year. It was an older model Chevy Cavalier,
but it got us around. I never said anything to him about it, because he would just remind me that it
was more than what I had.
We went to the food court and ordered pizza from one of the vendors. It tasted like cardboard, and I
ended up throwing most of it away. Cynthia kept looking over at me. I was just waiting for her to ask
her usual question. She didn’t disappoint me.
“You alright, Jason?” She asked for about the tenth time today. She knew something was wrong,
but she had no idea what it was. I guess she just figured I was just being a moody teenager. This
time, however, I snapped.
“Why are you always asking me that?” I stood and shouted at her. People at nearby tables stopped
eating to look at us. I knew I had embarrassed her terribly.
“I’m just worried about you, is all.” She said in a whisper. Jason and Stephanie were staring at me
with worried looks.
“Well, don’t. Alright.” I said loudly. “I told you nothing is wrong.”
I turned and started walking away. The mall was only about two miles from my house. I just wanted
to be alone, and the walk would help clear my head.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and looked into the worried look on Jason’s face.
“Taylor.” He said. “What’s up man? This isn’t like you.”
“Leave me alone, Jason.” I took his hand and removed it from my shoulder. “All of you just stay out
of my business.”
I took off running through the mall. People looked at me oddly. Once outside, I stopped to catch my
breath. I continued walking somberly until I reached home.
“Hey, Honey.” My mother said cheerfully as I walked into the kitchen. I had hoped she would not be
at home. She was an interior decorator, so it was hard to know when she would be out. My father
had converted one of the upstairs bedrooms into an office.
“Hi, Mom.” I walked over and stuck my head in the refrigerator to see if there was anything to snack
on. I was hungry, since I had thrown most of my pizza away.
“What was that weird phone call from Jason?” She asked. “Why did you tell him you had chores at
home? When was the last time you did anything around here?” She started laughing as she was
cutting a piece of meat for dinner.
“I just didn’t feel like going out after school. That’s all.” I slammed the refrigerator door and
headed to my room.
“Are you alright?” She asked, as she followed me down the hall. “You don’t seem yourself lately.”
“Why in the hell does everyone keep asking me if I’m alright?” I turned and shouted at her. I saw a
hurt look appear on her face. I turned and raced up the stairs to my room. I sat at my computer and
put in a CD, placing headphones on. I just wanted to tune out the world.
I didn’t turn around, but I could tell that my mother looked in a few times to see if I was alright. I kept
surfing the web to try and find out anything that could help me deal with the problems I was facing.
Where does a gay teenager go to get information on how to deal with his sexual conflicts? Who
could tell me how to deal with masquerading as a straight boy who was in love with his best friend?
Do they write books on how a gay boy breaks up with his ‘girlfriend’ without everyone finding out his
secret? Someone could make a lot of money if they could write a “How To” book for closeted boys
and girls.
Who can you turn to? Going to my minister was out. Besides the fact I hadn’t been to church since
my parents dragged me there last Easter, the guy was a complete homophobe. Every time he
started ranting about gay marriages being the ruin of modern society, it made me feel sick. What
chance did I have at happiness when my own minister was condemning the lifestyle I was now
beginning to realize I was a part of.
If I talked to a counselor at school, they’d probably tell every teacher in the school I was a troubled,
gay boy. “Watch Taylor White. He’s having trouble with his sexuality. Let me know if he seems
depressed.”
Tell Mom and Dad? Yeah right. Like they’d really love me after I told them their only child was not
going to give them grandchildren. I watched my mother at the store when she’d run into an elderly
woman with her grandchildren. She’d bend down and fawn all over the small child. It’s instinctive
that women want grandchildren. How would she feel about me when I told her I was going to
deprive her of that?
So I did what I do best. I got into bed and curled up with the covers pulled tightly over my head.
At least under here, I was sheltered from the world.
I must have been asleep about an hour when I was awaked by my door opening. I felt my bed sink as
someone sat down. I felt a hand rest on my back.
“Hey, Champ.” It was my father’s voice. He had been calling me Champ ever since I was seven and
had won a spelling bee in the second grade. I won when I was the only student who could spell
giraffe. The only reason I could spell it was because he had taken me to the zoo the previous week.
“Want to talk about it?” Tears began to form in my eyes as I kept my head buried under the covers.
“No.” I said, trying not to let my voice quiver. “Everything’s alright.”
“You know your mother and I love you, don’t you.” He spoke almost in a whisper.
“Yes.” My voice cracked. I buried my head deeper as tears began to flow from my eyes.
“There’s nothing you can do or say that will ever make me love you less.” He rubbed my back for a
minute while I lay crying. “I’m here if you ever need me.”
I felt him rise from the bed and walk over to the door. “Why don’t you pull yourself together and
come down to dinner, Champ.”
I got up and walked across to the bathroom. I took off my clothes and jumped in the shower. I let
the warm water run over my body while I kept my eyes closed. After a few minutes, I washed my body
and got out and dried myself off.
I looked in the mirror at myself. I wondered why I couldn’t have been born cuter. Most people
referred to my looks as nice. Never hot, cute or handsome. Just nice. How plain is that?
My hair was dark brown, almost black. I kept it cut short because it tended to curl if I let it get too
long. I wouldn’t mind curly hair, but it made me look more like a poodle if it got too long. I also had
brown eyes with long, curly lashes. That was the thing Cynthia liked most about me. She said I had
lashes like a girl. Some compliment.
Like most teenagers still going through puberty, I had a few pimples. I had really been plagued with
them when I was in the ninth grade. Kids often referred to me as Pizza Face. Needless to say, it
always hurt when they called me that. My only consolation was that the person calling me that
usually had more zits than I did.
I wasn’t very athletic looking, either. Even though I only weighed about 150 pounds, I thought I was
still too heavy for my 5’9” frame. I begged my father for a weight set for my sixteenth birthday. It was
still in the basement, collecting dust.
I guess I was just a typical teenager. I wasn’t ugly or anything like that. But I wasn’t cute like Jason.
You know what it’s like to walk through the mall and have girls flirting with the other guy you were
with. No one ever looked at me that way.
After dressing, I went downstairs. My parents were sitting at the dining table talking quietly. They
stopped when I entered the room.
“Hi, Sweetie.” My mother said as she got up from the table and headed into the kitchen.
“Hi, Mom.” I replied. “Sorry about earlier, OK?”
“Sure.” She returned carrying a casserole and placing it on the table. She reached over and patted
my cheek.
Nothing more was said of my earlier behavior. They kept asking me questions about the mock trial.
I had discussed it with them the day before.
“I have a good friend who is an attorney.” My father said. “I’m sure he’d give you some pointers if
you want.”
There wasn’t a person in town my father didn’t know. He had his own plumbing company and had a
contract with most new developments in the area. He had forty men and women who worked for
him. He had hinted many times about me learning the trade so I could take over the business some
day, but it really didn’t interest me.
This was just another disappointment I was to him. I often wondered if he regretted only have one
child. If they’d had another child, at least he or she could have given them children and carried on
the family business.
“I’m not sure I really want to do it.” I confessed. “It seems like a lot of work.”
“But you seemed excited last night.” My mother said. “You were looking forward to working with
Jason on it.”
“Yeah.” I said sadly. “He’s got Stephanie to work with.”
I noticed my parents look at each other. It was one of those knowing looks that parents share with
each other. My only problem was- I had no idea what it meant.
I excused myself, and went back to my room. I worked on some homework, and then messaged a
few of my friends. I tried to chat with Jason, but he was busy with Stephanie. Cynthia was online,
but I didn’t feel like talking to her. She messaged me once, but I just ignored it.
I arrived at school late the next morning. I didn’t feel like meeting up with Jason and the girls for
breakfast. Fortunately, I didn’t share any of my classes with them until third period. Stephanie was
in my history class.
She was walking behind me when I entered the room. “Hi. Jason. Feeling better today?”
“Nothing was wrong with me yesterday.” I replied.
“Yeah, right.” She said with a smirk. “Say that enough times and you might just be able to convince
yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. She was heading to her seat, but turned around and
walked back, staring me directly in my face.
“Get over him.” She said angrily. “He’s mine.” My face turned red as she turned and walked to her
desk. She sat down and gave me another angry look.
I was trembling when I sat down. I never realized that another person was aware of my feelings for
Jason. I had tried to be careful whenever we were around each other. Now Stephanie seemed to
know how I felt about him. By the look she was giving me, I knew she could cause problems if she
wanted.
When the bell rang ending class, I decided to go to the library, rather than going to lunch and face
Stephanie again. I wasn’t sure if she had told Jason her suspicions about me.
The librarian looked at me when I entered, but she didn’t ask for a pass. That’s one of the
advantages of being a good student. If it had been a student trying to cut class, she wouldn’t have
let me in.
Mrs. Mason had her fourth period history class working on a research paper. I felt sorry for them,
because I had the same assignment last year. I was still mad at her because she had given me a ‘B,’
because I had failed to footnote two references.
I was quietly reading a magazine, when she came over and sat down beside me.
“Hi, Taylor.” She said with a smile. “Isn’t this your lunch period?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I replied. “I’m not hungry.”
“A growing teenage boy and you’re not hungry?” She laughed. “You must be sick.”
“No, Ma’am.” I said. “I’m fine.” She was beginning to irritate me. I had come to the library to find
some quiet; instead, I was now facing an inquisition by a teacher.
“I’m glad you’re auditioning for one of the parts for the mock trial.” She said. “This is the school’s
first attempt to compete, and I’m looking for some of my brightest students to participate.”
“Then why do you want me?” I asked. I was trying to be smart, but it came out sadly.
“Why wouldn’t I want you?” She said worriedly. “You know how much I admire you. You’re one of
my best students.”
“You don’t know me.” I said, rising from my seat. I could feel the tears beginning to appear in my
eyes. I quickly tried to blink them back.
Mrs. Mason put her hand on my arm to stop me. “Taylor, if anything is wrong, come to me and talk
about it. I’ve raised four teenage boys, so I know the problems you can sometimes face.”
“I doubt it, Mrs. Mason.” I tried to avoid her eyes. I didn’t want her to see the moisture in mine.
“I don’t think any of them had my problems.” I started to walk away when she grabbed my arm again.
I looked into her face and tried to blink away my tears.
“You might be surprised, Taylor.” She said in a motherly manner. “I might understand more than
you think.”
I rushed from the library. All of a sudden it seemed like I had become an open book for others to
read. First, Stephanie seemed to know I was gay. Now it seemed liked Mrs. Mason was trying to
imply the same thing.
I went outside and spent the rest of the lunch period. When the bell rang I headed inside to class.
I wasn’t looking forward to going to chemistry. Jason was in that class.
“Hey, Asswipe.” Jason ran up beside me as I was approaching class. “We missed you during lunch.
Where were you?”
“I went to the library to do some work.” I said. He looked at me skeptically.
“Let’s get to class.” He threw his arm around me. I stepped away. He gave me a quizzical look. It
wasn’t uncommon for us to walk down the hall with Jason’s hand on my shoulder or back. I never
did it to him, but I always felt a closeness when he did it to me.
“Damn, Tay.” He said angrily. “What the fuck’s wrong with you? You’re not acting like yourself
lately.” He seemed hurt that I had walked away from him.
“Just leave me alone, Jay?” I said loudly. “Stay out of my life.”
Instead of going to class, I turned and headed in the opposite direction. I hadn’t taken five steps
when I saw Mrs. Mason. She had been watching the exchange.
“Come with me.” She said sternly. She grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the hall toward
her room. We entered, and she closed the door and locked it.
“Sit down, Taylor.” She pointed to a chair. I walked over and put my head down on the desk and
started crying softly.
“How long?” She asked as she pulled up a student desk and sat down beside me.
I looked up with tearful eyes at her. “How long? How long what?” I asked.
“How long have you been in love with Jason?” She asked. She didn’t say it condemningly or
judgmental. She made is seem like such a simple question.
I put my head back down and continued to cry. I don’t think I had ever felt so trapped in my life. For
the first time, someone was asking me about my sexuality. I knew if I lied she wouldn’t believe me.
I also felt there was no way I could admit the truth.
“It’s alright, Taylor.” She said reassuringly. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Tell that to the rest of the world.” I said with my head buried in my arms.
“My youngest son is just like you.” She said. “We got him through it.”
“You have a gay son?” I looked up and saw tears in her eyes.
“Yes. My son Timothy is gay.” She smiled. “He’s twenty-four today, and in a wonderful relationship
with another man. I love Jeffrey, his partner, as if he was my own son.”
“Then you don’t think I’m some kind of freak?” I asked.
“Of course not.” She stood up and held out her arms. I rose and she threw her arms around me.
“Then I’d be calling my own son a freak.” She held me tightly for a moment.
She pulled me back and looked at me in the eyes. “You still didn’t answer my question.”
“What question?” With so much emotion the past few minutes, I had forgotten what she had asked.
“How long have you loved Jason?” She asked.
“Since we were about fourteen.” I confessed. She was making me feel so comfortable with myself.
I should have been ashamed admitting my love for another boy, but I didn’t.
“But he doesn’t feel the same way?” She shook her head.
“No.” I said sadly.
“We’ll get you threw this.” She gave me another hug. “I had to help Timothy get over his first big
crush.” She started laughing. “His was the quarterback of the football team. And just like Jason, he
was straight as an arrow.”
“Thank you Mrs. Mason.” I said appreciatively. She reached out and wiped a tear from my face.
“Do your parents know?” She asked.
“No, Ma’am.” I said. “Only one person knows. You.”
“Then I feel very special.” She said with a smile. “The bell is going to ring soon. Go across the hall
and wash your face. We’ll talk later.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I replied. I had felt a large weight leave my shoulders. I knew things weren’t going to
be any better, but at least I knew I had someone I could talk to when things got too difficult for me to
handle. Mrs. Mason had helped her son through tough times, and she seemed more than willing to
help me.
“Will I see you after school?” She asked as I prepared to leave.
“I’ll be there.” I smiled. I closed the door, feeling better than I had in a few months.