I don’t know what happened to me in that bathroom. Suddenly, I felt empowered. For so many years I had been the whipping boy and brunt of so many jokes. When I saw the frightened look on Mark’s face as he ran from the bathroom, I felt like a new person.
I had control over someone’s life. It was like I was now the hunter and he was the prey. I knew something about him that he had never told anyone else. This was going to be fun. I could now make someone fear me.
When I went into the kitchen, my uncle was downing another beer. He’d been drinking all morning. I think he was now on his fourth one.
“What happened to Mark?” he asked. “He went running out of here like a scared rabbit.”
“Did you know he was queer?” I asked my uncle with a smile on my face. This was great. Never would my uncle suspect I was if I told him about another boy. My secret could finally be safe.
“What did you say?” My uncle’s face reddened.
“Yeah,” I tried to sound upset. I think I was even trying to squeeze a tear out. “He tried to grab me in the bathroom.”
It was fantastic. My uncle ranted and raved the rest of the afternoon. He called Mark’s house several times. Finally, I heard him talking to his mother. He was accusing Mark of practically raping me. I should have felt guilty, but I didn’t. He was a gay, so he did deserve it, didn’t he?
I was convinced that the only way to prevent being picked on and abused by others was to be the attacker. Mark had made it easy for me. Seeing the fright in his eyes that morning made me realize that I could have power over others. For the first time in my life, I could control the forces around me.
I was able to put it to the test a few days later, when I was out in the yard and saw a very small boy coming down the street on a bike. At first I was going to ignore him, because I thought he was much younger than me; but as he approached, I could tell he was about my age. He looked like a geek, though. He was wearing a white shirt, black pants and black shoes. He was cute, but his small stature kept him from being appealing.
He cautiously approached me on his bike. After appraising me for a minute, he decided to speak.
“Hi,” he said with a boyish smile. “You new around here?”
“Yeah.” I extended my hand and shook his frail hand. “My name is Scott.”
“Bobby,” he responded as he stared into my eyes. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he found me attractive. With so many people having commented on my looks over the years, I had developed a ‘feel’ for those who were more than just friendly. Bobby was definitely interested.
“Wanna play some ball?” I asked, throwing him the basketball. He looked at me and frowned.
“I’m not very athletic,” he admitted timidly. He awkwardly threw the ball back.
“Well, then. Let’s go inside and play a video game. Are you a gamer?”
“Enough to beat you,” he grinned. I was going to have fun with this kid. He seemed to be an easy mark.
“We’ll see,” I replied with a smirk. I led him inside to the living room. Since I didn’t have a computer, we played on the television. No one was home. My aunt and uncle had left to go to work. I was told not to have anyone in the house while they were gone; but they weren’t here to know, right?
We played for about a half hour. He was pretty good. In fact, he was killing me. I had been a good player in Phoenix, but I was no match for him. It was obvious he had been practicing a lot.
“I’m tired,” I said, putting down the control. I leaned back on the couch. I made sure that my shorts were tight, and hecould be seen through the material. Bobby looked down and his eyes widened.
“I better go,” he said hoarsely. He started to get up, but I grabbed his small arm and pushed him down on the couch.
“Hey,” I said angrily, “not so fast. Things are just getting good.” He fought to get up, but I held him down.
“I know you’re a fag,” I said. “I saw how you wanted this.” He continued to struggle, but his eyes never left my shorts.
“Please let me go,” he pleaded. “I’m not like that.”
“Sure you are,” I said. “I want you to do me a favor.”
He started to cry as I opened my shorts. I was excited. I was going to make someone else do what I was forced years ago to do.
“Stop struggling!” I shouted. “If you don’t do this I’m going to tell everyone you’re a fag. So you might as well do it.”
He continued to resist, but I kept pushing his head into my lap. He was shaking with fear. I can’t begin to explain the feeling of power I had.
He jumped up and stared at me. I saw fear in his eyes. Tears flowed down his face as he wiped off his mouth. He looked disgustedly at me before finally running out onto the lawn, getting on his bike and riding away. I laughed as I saw him racing down the street. I went back inside and took a shower.
Before I went to bed that night, I called his home. He had given me his number earlier so we could get together and play video games again. His father answered when I called. I told him that Bobby was gay and that he had made a pass at me. I was kind of disappointed that his father didn’t sound upset. He simply said thank you, and then he hung up.
What father acts that way when he’s just been told his son is a disgusting faggot? He’s supposed to get upset, right? Isn’t he supposed to go into his room and beat him? He’s not supposed to just say, ‘thank you for calling.’ What kind of a father is he, anyways?
I was going to tell my uncle what happened, but then I thought he might wonder why all these boys were coming on to me in just a few days. He might begin to become suspicious that perhaps I was encouraging them, so I kept my mouth shut. Anyways, he was still raging about that Mark kid.
The next day I was out in the driveway shooting baskets when I saw Mark heading down the street. I remembered how he had wanted me, so I thought I’d give it another shot. I disappeared into the garage and dropped my shorts, giving him a nice view. He took one look and tore off down the street. Here I was going to help the queer out, and he just high tails it away.
Some guys really have a lot of nerve. Can you believe that Bobby came by a few days later and was going to tell my Uncle Roger what I made him do! First, he stares at me and wants it. Then when I give it to him, he goes home crying. Now he wants to make it sound like I raped him.
After hitting him in the stomach and then pushing him into the bushes, I was finally able to convince him that telling my uncle wouldn’t really be in his best interest. Just as I was doing this, Mark came by on his bike. He looked like he wanted to say something. I was really hoping he’d get off his bike. I was still mad because he ran out of the bathroom, when I knew he really wanted it.
He rode down the road and turned the corner. After Bobby dug himself out of the bushes, he hightailed it down the street, crying as usual. He was too easy a prey. He was so weak; it almost wasn’t fun picking on him. However, I had been weak, and my father had delighted in beating me.
I made a few friends during the summer. Being new in town, I guess guys were intrigued by me. I was also an asset because I was a chick magnet for the girls. Guys knew that wherever I went, there was always a lot of girls following me around. The guys I didn’t mind too much, but the girls I could have done without. But I knew without the girls, the guys might just start picking on me. I had an image to uphold.
I kissed a few of the girls just to make it look good. Most of the time I’d ignore them, and they would hook up with one of my friends. One of the guys I let get close to me was a boy named Richard. He was really cute, and he wasn’t like the other boys. Like me, he really didn’t get into the girls. With his looks, he could have had all the girls he wanted. Instead, he’d follow me around wherever I went.
Richard invited me to spend the night at his house about two weeks after I arrived. We played video games and shot basketball most of the evening. Around midnight I was starting to get tired, so I asked if I could take a shower before going to bed.
He got me a towel while I undressed. I was standing naked with my back to the door when I heard him let out a gasp. I turned around and he was staring at me. This time I felt different, though. Instead of humiliating him like I had with Mark and Bobby, I felt an attraction to him. I walked over slowly and took the towel from his hand and crossed the hall to the bathroom. I could feel him staring at me.
When I returned, he was sitting at his computer playing a video game. He looked over at me and blushed. He looked really cute. It was obvious he’d never played this game before, and he didn’t know what to do. As he sat staring at me, I dropped the towel. His eyes widened. I walked over and stood beside him.
“Take it,” I said softly as I reached for his hand. And he did. He seemed very willing to please me in any way he could.
Afterwards, he moved around on the bed and lay beside me. He leaned on his elbow and stared at me. He leaned forward and tried to kiss me, but I pulled away. It was one thing to have sex with him, but I wasn‘t looking for a boyfriend. He looked disappointed when I turned my head. He got up and disappeared into the bathroom. I put my head on the pillow and fell asleep before he returned.
Richard became a good friend, or should I say sex buddy. I could depend on him to be there when I needed someone. He was always happy to please me, and I let him please me a lot.
I was becoming very popular in the neighborhood. Popularity was something that had eluded me. I had always been extremely cute, and I had my share of other boys and girls who wanted to know me; but I was always afraid of bringing anyone home because of my mother and father. I never knew when my dad might snap and whip me in front of a friend. So for the first sixteen years of my life, I was a loner.
But in California, I was like a god. With my long blond hair and beautiful tan I was admired by everyone when at the pool. I loved to tease others by wearing white Speedos which were a size too small. Not only would girls ogle me, but boys as well.
Before long I had a rather large number of groupies who tended to follow me wherever I went. Girls would swoon if I even spoke to them, and there was always some guy who was willing to make me happy.
Richard quickly became my favorite. One afternoon after having sex in his bedroom when his parents weren’t home, I convinced him to call Mark and just mess with him. I dialed his number and handed him the phone.
I had already told him what to say. He was to tell Mark he heard that he was gay and he wanted him to come over and take care of him. Richard at first refused to do it because he went to school with him and liked him. When I threatened to stop messing around with him, he relented and made the phone call. I listened with my ear against Richard’s. It was priceless. Mark became very upset. I was howling with laughter.
I watched as Mark and Bobby became friends. They were always together. Mark tried to protect Bobby from me, but he couldn’t fight. Once I took Bobby’s swim shorts in the locker room and left him standing naked. It was so cool.
Later I saw the two losers sitting on the bleachers outside the pool. They were watching me angrily. Like I’m supposed to be scared! There was nothing they could do to me. I had guys all around me. The two of them were alone. Fat chance they could hurt me.
A few weeks later they were alone in the locker room when I went in, followed by some of my boys. I tried to get Mark to do something in front of everyone, but he refused. He even tried to fight back. Stupid mistake. I knocked him to the ground.
When I got home later, this stupid, crazy woman stormed into our house and started yelling obscenities about me. She said I’d been picking on her poor nephew and his friend. My uncle went off on her when he found out she was Mark’s aunt. He said the fag deserved everything he got.
I had been hiding in my room during the exchange. I was afraid of what she might do. Uncle Roger called me out to the kitchen after she left. He pulled a cold beer out of the fridge and offered it to me. He said I had earned it for beating up those queer boys.
Richard seemed to change after that. He quit hanging with me. Every time I called and asked him to come over, he always had an excuse.
School started after Labor Day. I was very hesitant about the beginning of school. I had earned a reputation as a ladies’ man during the summer, so I was fairly confident that my reputation would stay intact. However, being in school, I would have less control over situations. I was worried that students might start picking on me again.
Although, I had nothing to fear. Mark cemented my reputation as a fighter. He walked into class and sat in the front. A friend handed me a water balloon, so I threw it at him, hitting him square in the back. The balloon exploded, soaking him. It was hilarious.
He got up and charged me like a mad man. He was screaming and throwing his arms in every direction. I was a good fighter, but I had trouble defending myself against his wild tirade. The dean eventually grabbed him and hauled him off to the office.
I had to go and tell my side of the story. Of course, I played up the part of being the helpless victim. The dean bought it- hook, line and sinker. Mark was suspended three days for assaulting me. I thought it was unfair because it should have been ten days.
I froze when I left my last period class. My heart seemed to jump up into my throat. There were posters of my mother and father everywhere. It had their prison pictures on them. I hadn’t seen them since they last appeared in a Phoenix newspaper.
Now it would all start over again- the laughter and ridicule. I would again become the target of all prison jokes. I had to endure this for two years while my mother and father were going through their trials. I had no friends at that time. Everyone tried to avoid me. Now I was sure it was going to happen again.
I didn’t know who had put them up or how they had gotten hold of the pictures. I was pretty sure it was Bobby. I’d heard that he was some kind of a computer geek. He certainly looked like one. I was determined I was going to hurt him the next time I saw him.
I tried to hurriedly escape the school, but I was stopped midway down the hall. Some of my friends were holding the posters up and shoving them in my face.
“This your old man?” James asked as he thrust it in my face. “This guy really your daddy?”
“Yeah,” said William, another friend. “He do this?”
I just hung my head ashamed. How was I going to explain that both my parents were in jail and I had to come to California because I had nowhere else to go.
“Wow!” said James excitedly. “This is so cool! Your parents are gangsters!”
“My old man’s just a plumber,” William said. “Your dad belongs to the mob!”
A small smile formed in the corner of my mouth as I looked at the excited faces of my friends. Maybe it wasn’t going to be too bad after all.