I love my parents. I know I’ve said that before, but I really do. When I arrived with TJ after school, my dad was in the kitchen getting dinner ready. You should have seen the smile on his face when we walked through the door.
“Hi, Son.” He looked at me, then over at TJ. “You must be TJ.” He walked over, and instead of shaking his hand, he pulled him into a hug.
“It’s so nice to meet you. Randy has told me so much about you.” I watched as my father wrapped his strong arms around TJ. TJ seemed to melt in his embrace. I had a feeling that getting a hug was not a common thing for him. When I first started touching him, he would instantly back away. Now he seemed like he was getting used to being touched and held. My father looked over his shoulder at me and winked. When TJ stepped away, his eyes were misty.
“Randy, get the lettuce out and start making a salad. TJ, you can help me.” TJ stepped over to the stove and watched as my father explained to him how he was preparing Chicken Kiev. TJ listened intently, and he helped my father by handing him ingredients. They seemed to really be getting along. I just stood back and watched with a silly grin on my face. It reminded me of when my father first started teaching me how to cook.
“All right, Boys,” my father ordered, “Set the table and then go up to your room. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.” I took TJ into the dining room and pulled the china out of the china cabinet. He looked around like he’d never seen a dining room before. He got extremely nervous each time I’d hand him a plate. I think he was afraid he was going to drop one.
When we finished, I took him by his hand and led him out of the room. I looked in the kitchen and noticed my father watching us. He smiled and went back to cooking dinner.
“Wow!” TJ exclaimed when I opened the door to my bedroom. “This is your room?” He moved around staring at everything in my room. He walked over to my desk and looked down at my computer.
“This is yours?” I nodded my head. He walked over to my bookcase and looked at my CD player and CD’s. He began sorting through them. “Wow!” he exclaimed as he admired my rather large collection.
While he was busy looking, I walked up and wrapped my arms around him. He fell back into me and put his head next to mine. His eyes were closed, and I could feel him breathing heavily. I reached my hands under his shirt and gently rubbed his smooth stomach. He let out a soft moan.
His body stiffened for a minute. I thought I had maybe gone too far. But I felt him relax and press against me more forcefully. I ran my hand down his pants. He let out another moan.
We jumped when my father shouted up the stairs, “Boys! Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Wash up.”
“Damn,” I muttered. TJ started giggling. I turned him around so he was facing me. He knew what I wanted. He leaned in to meet my lips. We kissed passionately for a moment. I moaned into his mouth when he reached down and ran his hand against my jeans.
“We’d better get cleaned up.” I pushed away but then leaned forward for a final kiss. “They’ll be upset if we aren’t downstairs in a few minutes. My mom is home, and she probably wants to meet you.”
We walked across the hall and washed our hands. TJ announced he had to pee. I was hoping he’d do it with me in the room, but he seemed to be waiting for me to leave. I reluctantly left and went downstairs. He joined us a few minutes later.
My mother and father were quietly talking when TJ walked into the kitchen. My mother smiled when she saw him. She looked over at me, winked and mouthed, “He’s cute.”
TJ saw her and started blushing.
“Hello, Dear. I’m Evelyn Lawrence. You must be TJ.” She walked over and hugged him. Again, TJ seemed to love the affection. He wrapped his arms around her. She held him and gently rubbed his back. After a minute, she stepped back and announced that dinner was ready.
Dinner was lively. My parents aren’t the kind who acts like FBI investigators with my friends. That’s why most of them enjoyed coming to my home. I had already told my dad the day before that TJ didn’t want to discuss his life, so they steered clear of any personal questions. Most of the dinner conversation involved my parents telling embarrassing tales of my childhood. TJ laughed throughout most of the dinner. I smiled across the table at him. I was happy he seemed so relaxed in our home.
When dinner was over, my parents excused us from the table. Usually, I get stuck with the task of cleaning up the dinner table. It didn’t matter if I did have friends join us. Dean, Wilson and others knew that when we finished, it was expected that they take their dishes to the dishwasher. My parents would disappear into the living room and watch the evening news.
After going to my room, I closed my bedroom door. My parents respect my privacy, so I knew they would not enter without knocking first and getting my permission. Besides, they rarely ever came upstairs unless it was time for bed. I grabbed TJ’s hand and pulled him over to my bed.
“Come here, Sexy.” I threw him on the bed and climbed on top of him, careful not to put all my weight on him. Our lips met once again, and we kissed deeply. I shoved my tongue against his mouth, forcing it open. We began to explore each other’s mouths with our tongues.
We made out for the next thirty minutes. We did as much as we could with our clothes on. Even though I knew my parents wouldn't enter without permission, I was afraid they would suspect we were doing something if it took me a few minutes to let them in. At least we could pull our pants up quickly without them suspecting anything.
“Have I told you I love you?” TJ looked at me, and his eyes began to tear up.
“You love me?” He asked as a tear fell down his cheek.
“Yes, I love you.” He fell into my arms and began to sob. I gently held him and rubbed his back. After a few minutes, his crying began to subside. I then heard him whisper, “I love you, too.”
* * * * * * * * *
I’m in love. Me, Timothy James Somerset. I can’t believe it! Randy told me he loved me and I cried. They were not sad tears, though. They were happy tears.
The entire evening was great. I can’t remember when I had such a good time. Randy’s parents are the greatest. From the moment I walked in the house, I felt like I was welcome. His father took me in his arms and held me. You have no idea what that felt like. My old man left me when I was a baby, so I grew up without a father. I would have let Mr. Lawrence hold me all night.
Mrs. Lawrence came home and did the same thing. I noticed her tell Randy that I was cute. It embarrassed me, but Randy seemed to be bursting with pride. During dinner they did not ask me one question about my personal life. They told me a lot about Randy’s childhood. I was happy for him to have such great parents. I wasn’t jealous or anything. It was just nice to know that real families do exist somewhere.
After dinner we went to his room and things got really out of control. I still can’t believe that we had sex, and we didn’t even take our clothes off.
Then he told me he loved me. I can’t begin to describe my feelings when he said it. Years of crying myself to sleep, wishing I could hear those words, finally became reality. I was so overcome with emotion I cried on his shoulder. I felt like such a baby, but he really didn’t seem to mind. He held me tightly and rocked me until I stopped crying.
Then I said the words I’d always wanted to say, “I love you.”
We made out for a little while longer. It was getting late, so I decided it was time to go home. He offered to give me a ride, but I wanted to walk. Besides, I didn’t want him to see where I lived. The evening had been so special; I didn’t want to ruin it by him seeing my squalid conditions.
In the back of my mind, I know this won’t last. We come from two different worlds. There is no way a guy like me can keep a guy like Randy. I know I’m just a fling for him. I really love him, but I can’t let my defenses down. It will only hurt me more when he decides to drop me someday.
As I walked home, I became more depressed because of my hopeless situation. Whoever said, ‘It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,’ was wrong. Now that I knew Randy’s love, it was going to be hard to lose it. However, lose it I knew would come someday.
I was a block from my home when I spotted Carter coming in the other direction. He saw me and waved. He came running over to me.
“Hey. What’s up?” he asked, trying to catch his breath. He looked so cute, as he smiled at me with a broad grin.
“Hi, Carter. How’s it going?” I smiled back.
“Look what I’ve got.” He held up a joint and waved it in front of my face. “Let’s go somewhere and get high.”
“I really should get home,” I insisted.
“Come on. We won’t be long,” he pleaded. “I live a couple blocks away. We can go sit in the backyard. My mom’s probably gone to bed. She won’t see us.”
“Just for a few minutes,” I replied. He started walking away, and I followed. Walking behind him, I noticed how slender he was. He kept grabbing his pants and pulling them up over his thin waist. I could tell when he raised his shirt to pull his pants up that he wasn’t wearing underwear. Several times I got a glimpse of his butt. It looked almost like a baby’s butt, hairless and smooth.
When we reached his house, he led me around back. His home was a lot like mine. They shared a double, also. I could hear loud music coming from the home next door.
He said angrily. “They play that country shit all night long. If I hear Shania Twain one more time, I’m going throw a rock through their window.” I started laughing. I didn’t want to admit that I liked Shania. Country music is great when you’ve been drinking and want a good cry.
We moved to a far corner of the yard behind the garage where we sat in a couple of plastic chairs. He lit up the joint and inhaled, and then he passed it to me. He got up and disappeared into the house, leaving me alone. I took a couple more hits before putting the joint out. I didn’t want to smoke all of it since I wasn’t sure if he had more.
He came back carrying a six pack of beer. “It’s party time!” he said cheerfully. He handed me one. I popped the top and began drinking.
“This is nice. I usually drink alone,” he stated.
“Me too,” I admitted. He reached over, took the unlit joint I was holding and relit it. He hit it, and then he passed it back to me. When it was gone, he pulled out another.
“Tell me. What’s going on with you and Randy?” He looked over at me as he took a hit. He could tell by the surprised look on my face that he’d asked a loaded question.
“What do you mean?” I was able to stammer out.
“Look, TJ, it’s all cool with me. I’m not judging you. I just want to make sure you’re safe. I like you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He scanned my face, trying to assess my reaction.
“I’m not going to get hurt.” I figured there was no use in denying what was going on. Carter seemed like the kind of kid who had been around. He knew the streets, and he could probably smell manure a mile away.
“Don’t let him use you. I’ve seen it happen before. They think they’re doing the world a favor by being friends with someone like us. It’s kind of like that TV infomercial that wants you to give money to help those kids in far off countries. It makes them feel good.” He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. I guess he was giving me time to think about what he’d said.
“It’s not like that with Randy,” I responded defensively.
“Has he you paraded you in front of his friends yet? They always want to do that. They show you off like some sort of puppy they found on the street,” he said sarcastically. I remembered back to how Randy did insist that I meet his friends the first day I met him.
“Bet he’s taken you home and introduced you to mom and pops, right? They probably treated you all special, made you feel right at home. As soon as you left, I bet they counted the silverware.” He sounded bitter, but he was hitting a little too close to the truth.
“Has he gotten around to telling you he loves you?” He looked in my eyes and noticed my reaction. He knew the truth. I was becoming very uncomfortable with the conversation. The effects of the weed and beer were making me feel very depressed.
“It ain’t like that.” I tried to sound confident; but he was making a lot of sense, especially in my inebriated state.
“Whatever you say, Man. Whatever you say.” He rested his head and closed his eyes again. We remained quiet for a long while before he spoke again.
“I didn’t mean to bum you out,” he apologized. “But you got to be careful. Me and you don’t belong in their world. We were born poor, and we’ll die poor. That’s just the way the world works.”
“It’s not like that.” Again, I felt I had to justify my relationship with Randy.
“Alright, I believe you. But do one thing for me.” He sat up and looked me directly in the eyes. “Take him home and introduce him to your old lady.”
I hung my head down and muttered sadly, “I can’t do that, and you know it.”
“Right. That’s what I thought.” He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. “How long will he be around if he finds out about the real you? Right now, you’re just a pretty face he just met.”
He handed me another beer and I downed it quickly. I needed to get drunk. I thought I had experienced something special with Randy tonight, but Carter had seemed to put it into different perspective. I didn’t want to believe he was right; however, deep down I knew he was.
Good things don’t happen to guys like me. This is my life- getting drunk and high with my friends. I suddenly realized that Butch probably figured it out a long time ago. Why try to succeed when the world just pushes you back down.
I tried to convince myself that Carter was wrong. Randy did love me, and I knew that I loved him. But the fact remained, if I loved him, then why couldn’t I tell him anything about me? He’d proudly introduced me to his friends. I didn’t even have any friends to introduce to him. I guess I could consider Carter a friend, but how could I let him meet a spaced-out stoner? I knew I could never take him to my home.
Our relationship was doomed before it even got started. I was becoming increasingly depressed. Carter and I smoked a couple more joints, and he gave me another beer. We talked a little longer about nothing significant. I finally told him I had to leave.
I went home to a quiet house. My mother and Butch were gone for the night and probably wouldn’t be back until morning. I went into my room and crawled into bed. I thought about the evening. I remembered the good times I’d had at Randy’s. I had felt so welcomed. Then I thought about what Carter had said. Randy had taken home a stray puppy.
“Can I keep him, Mom?” I could almost hear him say.